How to Help Japan: Quick and Simple Ways to Make a Difference

As College students, when tragedy strikes such as the Earthquake/tsunami in Japan, it is hard to know what to do to help. Most of us don’t have a lot of money to donate, as much as we would like to. Here at CL, we are all about helping out without it costing you a fortune! We have gathered up some easy ways that you can make a difference.

• Facebook- You can help the relief efforts simply by logging onto facebook! “Dog Bless You” is a facebook page that works with search and rescue dogs to help rescue victims. Simply by liking them, you will be donating to the cause! Dog Bless You is donating $1 to the relief efforts in Japan.
  Also, under “causes” on facebook, the American Red Cross has their own cause page where you can make donations as little as $10. Even if you can’t afford to donate money, by joining the cause, you are helping spread the word so others can donate!
  Do you play Farmville, CityVille or any other Facebook games by Zynga? Zynga has partnered with Save the Children to donate to the relief efforts. They have developed special items you can purchase from the game, and the money goes 100% to the relief efforts. For more information go to Zynga’s website.
• Twitter- There are several hashtags to keep up with the latest information about how you can help. Of course, the most common is simply tweeting #prayforjapan but Twitter posted a blog detailing all the hashtags to follow to get the most updated information.
• Texting- Most of us are on our phones daily, right? So might as well put the texting to good use! The American Red Cross is offering a text program for donations. Simply text “REDCROSS” to 90999 to donate $10 (they will charge your next cell phone bill). You can also text “MED” to 80888 to give a $10 donation to the International Medical Corps. The Salvation Army also has a text-to-donate program. Text “JAPAN” or “QUAKE” to 80888 to donate $10 to their cause. We can all spare $10 if we just skip a couple lattes right?!
• Bracelets- For a donation of $5 (or more if you choose to make an additional donation), Lady GaGa is selling bracelets that say “We Pray for Japan” in English and Japanese. Go here to pick yours up today!

There are many, many ways to help, we just wanted to highlight a few! It’s not easy as young co-eds to help, but every little bit helps!

Sources:

Mashable

Huffington Post

Idolator

It’s Not Goodbye, It’s See You Later!

This week is finals week for a lot of people, and that means the end of the year is in sight. Which, sadly, means that you will be separated from your friends and sisters for 3 whole months! If you’re anything like me, that makes you really, really sad. But, never fear! In this day in age, there are so many ways to keep up with everyone over the summer! Here are some ideas of ways to keep in touch:

• ooVoo- You’ve probably heard of Skype, but I like ooVoo even better. ooVoo allows you to video chat with up to 6 people at once! Last summer, my friends and I set ooVoo dates and we could all catch up at the same time! It was really great to “see” everyone, and we had some really fun chats!

• Pen pals- I know it seems old school to write actual letters, but think about how exciting it is to get mail! Our recruitment chair for my sorority is sending us all snail mail letters, and I have to admit, I am really excited about receiving real mail! Plus snail mail letters last forever and it will be a lot of fun to look back in a couple years and remember what you wrote about.

• E-mail – For those of you who maybe don’t like snail mail or prefer to keep in touch more often than it takes to send letters back and forth, there is always e-mail. I receive so many non-personal e-mails like all the things I subscribe to and stuff, that is a nice surprise to get an e-mail from a real live person! Plus, e-mail does have the benefit of talking multiple times a day where as snail mail takes longer. Make sure you get your friends’ personal e-mail addresses since a lot of people may not check their school e-mails as often over the summer.

• Twitter- Not on twitter yet? It’s a great way to keep up with your friends over the summer! Over Christmas break, my best friend got Twitter and we had so much fun messaging back and forth! Plus, it’s a great way to know what they’ve been up to. And since you can tweet from your phone, it is easy to keep up with!

• AIM- Yes, I know no one has used AIM since like 7th grade, but there are actually a lot of great benefits. Like the chat room feature. Last year, my friends and I started our own private chat rooms on AIM and we had a blast! I was on there for hours sometimes just chatting away! AIM is the only instant messaging service to have chat rooms; you can’t chat with more than one person at once on Facebook Chat, can you?! Try it out… trust me, it’s fun!

• Facebook- Of course Facebook is a great way to keep in touch. You can see each others pictures, chat on the IM feature, write on each others walls… you get the drift. No matter what kind of communication you are looking for, more than likely Facebook offers it. Plus it’s pretty much guaranteed your friend is on Facebook since even parents are on Facebook these days.

• Phone Call- I know with all the modern technology, actually picking up the phone and calling someone seems weird, but it is ok to do! Since it’s so rare to call people these days, think about how exciting it will be for your friend to get an actual phone call! Set a phone date, like every Sunday night you call each other and catch up on each others lives. That way, you’re not catching them at a bad time, and it is right after the weekend, so they might have some good stories to tell!

• Texting- I wouldn’t recommend this as your main form of communication because it can get so impersonal, but definitely send your friends a text every once in awhile. Especially if you haven’t talked in awhile, send a quick, simple text like “hey! I miss you! Hope you’re having a great summer ”. More than likely, they’ve just been busy and haven’t thought about keeping in touch, but sending a simple text will remind them! Texting is also a great quick way to make someone’s day. Shelly sends the CL Interns sweet texts all the time like “Who is the most fabulous person in the world?! You!” It’s short and sweet and you never know when someone’s day needs brightening!

So, there you have it! Although you might be on opposite sides of the country from each other this summer, you and your friends still have a lot of great ways to keep in touch!

Patrice is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a journalism major at William Woods University and is a member of Alpha Chi Omega! She is going to miss her Sorority sisters a lot over the summer, but looks forward to keeping in touch many different ways!

Sorority & Greek Life FYI!

Here at CL, we talk a lot about sororities and Greek life in general. However, we realized many of you may not know anything about Greek life or would like to know more about it. So some of the CL Interns and I teamed up to answer some questions we were given by a reader and fellow blogger, Alyssa.

Q: “What is rushing? How do you pick what sorority you want to belong to?”

I think this is the best place to start. When you make the decision to join a sorority, you go through a process called “rush” or also known as “recruitment.” The process and length of time is different for every school, but it can be anywhere from a couple days to a couple weeks. During this process, you visit each of the sororities on campus, and get to know the girls in the chapter. Each night, it gets more and more formal, and you gradually eliminate houses from your “choices” and in the end you have your top choice, and you hope that they pick you back. The girls in the houses are also considering each girl that comes through for rush, and deciding which one’s they think would be the best fit for the house.

Q: “What if a girl is not popular?”

It is a common thought that sororities, especially the rushing process is just one big popularity contest. I can’t speak for every college because I’ve obviously only been through rush at my school which is a lot less intense than many schools. However, it is not about being “popular” or anything like that, it’s just about who fits in with the sorority. Most chapters have membership criteria (for example, ours are academic interest, character, financial responsibility, leadership ability and personal development). The sororities use these criteria to determine whether or not a girl would be a good fit for the sorority based on their conversations with them.

Q: “What does it mean to be in a sorority? What are the benefits?”

Anyone who is or has been a member of a sorority can tell you there are tons of benefits. Sisterhood being one of the main benefits but also you gain a lot of confidence, you learn a lot about leadership, you gain life skills you’ll need after college, and so much more. I could talk about all the benefits forever! I would strongly recommend going Greek to anyone who is considering it because there are so many benefits, and it is truly unlike anything else.

As Kaitlyn says: “There are many benefits!  Sisterhood is something you really just have to experience.  I gained so many friendships with people I consider some of my “best friends” now!”

Elizabeth agrees with Kaitlyn: “The benefits are that you meet some really great girls that become your sisters. They always have your back and surprise you and just are there for you when you need someone. There are also add bonuses of getting to meet other sisters from other chapters of your sorority – like Shelly and some other of my intern family are AST sisters that I get to hang and chat with now!”

Q: “Are there sororities for popular people, athletes, geeks or is everyone in together?”

From my experience, every sorority has a wide range of girls not just one certain type of group.

Kaitlyn sums it up well: “People tend to gravitate to a sorority where people are similar to them, just like any other group.  But, usually, there is a well rounded group of people in every sorority.”

Q: “Does everyone live in a big house together and eat meals together?”

Every college is different as far as the sorority living arrangements. Some schools have sorority houses where everyone lives together, and some don’t have houses at all, and everything in between. At my school, every member lives in the house all 4 years (that is rare!). We don’t eat our meals together (at least not in the house), though, because unlike some sorority houses at other schools, we don’t have a cook. We eat at the dining hall like the non-Greek students. Every school is different as far as what they do for sorority houses, so it just depends on the schools rules!

Q: “Do people really treat each other like sisters? Do they get along with other sororities too?”

Just like biological sisters, sorority sisters have disagreements and are not always as nice as they should be. However, the girls in the sorority really do become like your sisters and it is a really special bond that is unlike anything else.

Kaitlyn: “I would say that most of the time it is “sisterly.”  However, like always when there is a large group of girls together, sometimes tempers can flare or people just have bad days. Sometimes there are “rival” sororities, but generally, people tend to get along.”

Elizabeth: “It’s a bunch of girls in close quarters so of course there will be some disagreements and fights, but doesn’t that happen everywhere no matter if your Greek or not? The point is I couldn’t live without my sisters because they are an extension of my family – when my mom passed away I was down in Texas with them and they totally took care of me AND my family back home. We don’t always get along [with other sororities] but we always have respect for each other.”

Q: Are the same sororities at each college or does each college have different sororities with different names?”

There are different sororities at every college and the number of sororities varies. Some colleges don’t have sororities at all, and some have 25. It just depends on how big the school is and where chapters have been established.
Have more questions about Greek Life/Sorority Life? Ask, away! We will compile your questions into another post & get them answered! Leave a comment on this post or e-mail us at Interns@collegelifestyles.org.

Reasons Why Patrice Loves February!

I’ll Miss This!

(I wrote a post like this on my personal blog, but wanted to share here, too!)

Last Friday night was my very first exec retreat for my sorority. (For those of you that don’t speak “Greek” the exec retreat is where the president and all the VP’s plus advisers meet to discuss new ideas for the upcoming semester). I am proud to now be a member of the exec board, serving as the VP Communications. Going into the retreat, I was nervous. Would they like my new ideas? Would they think I’m doing a good job? What will it be like? Well, by the end of the night not only was I no longer nervous but I realized that that night would be one I’ll never forget.

Although the night was serious for the most part, when you put a bunch of girls in a room together for a long period of time, you can’t expect to not have any fun! There was lots of laughter, lots of funny things said, and many good times shared. I can honestly say I was amazed at how much fun I was having. There is something truly special about a group of powerful women all sharing ideas and brainstroming together and having fun while doing it. I am lucky to be a part of this group of amazing women.

After the serious part of the retreat was over, we stayed up for hours talking. Talking about boys (you’re never too old for that!), swapping stories, and talking about why we joined this amazing chapter that we are so lucky to be a part of. As I was sitting there, I realized it didn’t matter how tired I was, it didn’t matter that it was 3 AM. These are the moments that I know I’ll look back on one day and say “I miss that.” One day I’ll miss staying up late, talking and laughing. I’ll miss being able to walk down the hall and see any one of my amazing sisters. I’ll miss this…

Luckily, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon and I can only imagine the amount of memories I’ll have like this by the time I graduate. As hard as it can be being away from home, these amazing women make it easy, and for that I am so lucky.

Patrice is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a journalism major at William Woods University and is a member of Alpha Chi Omega. She LOVES her sorority and is so thankful she has found her best friends through joining Alpha Chi Omega!

The Dish on a CL Intern: Patrice’s 15!

1. Name: Patrice Basso

2. Dream job: I want to be a modern-day Carrie Bradshaw! I LOVE her & her writing is so brilliant! I basically want to be my own version of her! I wouldn’t mind raiding her closet, too! I hope we wear the same shoe size
   

   I could totally pull this off...!

3. One word to describe me: generous
   
   
4. Favorite movie(s): Breakfast at Tiffany’s, The Notebook, Sex & the City, Confessions of A Shopaholic, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, I Love You Man. I’ll stop there! lol

5. Favorite TV Show(s): 90210, Gossip Girl, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, One Tree Hill, Desperate Housewives, Jon & Kate +8 (pre divorce/craziness!)
   

   I loved this show back in the good days! The kids are SO CUTE!

6. Favorite Color: Pink!
   
   
7. Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi, but really neither.I go to Starbucks for my caffeine fix!
   

   I'll take this over Coke or Pepsi any day!

8. I can’t live without: My iPhone! or Facebook! lol And of course my family & friends.
   

   What did we do before iPhones!?

9. Pet peeve(s): Negativity (even though I am sometimes guilty of this myself!), bubblegum (I can’t stand the smell, weird I know).

10. This makes me smile: My amazing Alpha Chi Omega sisters!
    

    Me & some of my beautiful sisters & best friends! (I'm kind of hiding in the back lol)

11. If I had 1 million dollars I would: Donate to the American Cancer Society to find a cure, donate to the Alpha Chi Omega Foundation, and put a lot in savings!

12. Cats or dogs: dogs, but I’m not really an animal person.

13. When I feel blue I: talk to my mom or one of my sorority sisters or blog. Sometimes writing my feelings makes me feel better!
    
    
14. My friends say I am: funny, sweet, fun to be around, a great writer.

15. Anything else to add: I have my own personal blog, Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman. My family, friends and sorority sisters are the most important people to me & they are the reason I am who I am today! I LOVE being a part of the College Lifestyles family, and am excited to watch it grow even more than it already has!
    

Patrice is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a journalism major at William Woods University and is a member of Alpha Chi Omega. She LOVES being a part of the College Lifestyles family & is excited about our new additions to the family!

Get Fit for the New Year… by Tweeting?

With the New Year quickly approaching, now is a great time to focus on getting in shape and getting fit. I don’t know about you, but I could definitely use the help getting fit for the New Year. W0uldn’t it be nice if we could afford not only a personal trainer, but a personal trainer to the stars? How much would you pay to have a body like Heidi Klum, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Alba, etc?

Well, now you can pay nothing and have your very own celebrity personal trainer. Well, kind of. Trainers to celebrities such as Halle Berry, Kristin Cavallari, and many more are now on Twitter and offering YOU some of their best tips! So before you hit the gym, just check your twitter page for some great work out advice from some of the best trainers in Hollywood that keep their clients looking great!

So, follow these celebrity trainers for the latest advice on how to look great, and you’ll be looking amazing for the new year in no time!

• Follow @DavidKirsch (Trains Heidi Klum and Anne Hathaway)
• Follow @MsMandyIngber (Trains Jennifer Aniston)
• Follow @HarleyPasternak (Trains Lady Gaga, Eva Mendes and Vanessa Williams)
• Follow @madfit (Trains Ashlee Simpson and Kristin Cavallari)
• Follow @ramonabraganza (Trains Jessica Alba and Halle Berry
• Follow @Jarret Del Bene (Trains Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port)
• Follow @ValerieWaters (Trains Jennifer Garner, Jessica Biel, and Hillary Swank)
• Follow @Teddybfit (Trains Cameron Diaz & Jennifer Lopez)
• Follow @JillianMichaels and @Mytrainerbob- the trainers from The Biggest Loser.

Some of their tips include:

“Pledge to keep your cheer clear. If you have to drink, make it white wine or a vodka and soda. Nothing pink or frilly, please!”- @DavidKirsch

“Its totally cool to indulge, the key to staying in shape is being consistent. So move your body for an hr today. worth it”-@MsMandyIngber

“You ever consider how many of your meal choices are foreign dishes? There’s really no such thing as “healthy american cuisine”.”- @HarleyPasternak

“Not every workout has to be a 10, it’s okay to have some 5s… Just don’t take too many ZEROS!”- @madfit

“Stay away from high sodium foods ! It causes the body to retain extra fluids.”- @Jarret Del Bene

“Instead of thinking about things you DON’T want to do, focus on the POSITIVE changes you desire.”- @Mytrainerbob

“30 minutes in the gym is better than no minutes at all !!”- @Teddybfit

So, what are you waiting for? Start following these high price trainers & get their expert advice for FREE!! What better way to kick off the new year than to get advice on getting fit from some of the greatest personal trainers?

Patrice is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a journalism major at William Woods University and is a member of Alpha Chi Omega. She is looking forward to kicking off the new year right by focusing on getting fit!

“True friends & true hearts that’s all that counts in life”-Uptown Girls

Break the Silence: (Domestic Violence Awareness Week 3)

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, for the month of October I’m posting about Domestic Violence Awareness once a week!  Missed the first two? Check them out here and here!

This week, I wanted to wait to post until after a really special event regarding Domestic Violence Awareness: Take Back the Night. Take Back the Night is an event dedicated to sexual assault and domestic violence victims. Here’s a little history from the Take Back the Night website: From the late 1970′s through present day, Take Back The Night events have been held by college and university women’s centers, YWCA’s, rape crisis centers, community centers, high school student groups, battered women’s shelters, and other organizations dedicated to helping women achieve safety and empowerment. Events have been held in England, Belgium, Australia, Canada, the Caribbean Islands, the United States, and likely other corners of the globe.

Every Take Back the Night ceremony is different, but I really wanted to share about the ceremony I went to because it was geared toward college students. A college student from Mizzou, Colleen McDevitt, decided to interview rape victims and put together a short film to get the word out there about sexual assault.

This is her video, “I’m a survivor of Rape”:

(You might wanna pause it & let it load. It takes awhile to load, but completely worth watching.)

Collen, Katie, Katlyn, Ellen, and Bonnie have brought up a very important issue through this video, and one that applies to most of us at College Lifestyles- the prevalence of sexual assault among college aged women. It is something that is more serious than you might think, and really common; Women ages 16 to 24 experience rape at rates four times higher than the assault rate of all women, making the college (and high school) years the most vulnerable for women. All 4 of these women in the video were 18 or older, and 3 of the 4 were in college at the time of their rape. The statistics are alarming of how common college rapes are; The most recent large-scale study, including students at both two- and four-year colleges, found 35 rapes per 1,000 female students over seven months (rape was defined as “unwanted completed penetration by force or threat of force”).

One thing that stood out to me about the women in the video was the fact that they all knew their rapist. A couple of them were dating their rapist, or their rapist was a friend. A couple of the girls from the video were at Take Back the Night to talk about their experiences , and they made a great point; they pointed out that often times we think of rape as the stranger that jumps out from behind a bush and rapes you. The truth is, though, that being raped by someone you know is way more likely; the statistics show that ninety percent of college women who are victims of rape or attempted rape know their assailant. The attacker is usually a classmate, friend, boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, or other acquaintance (in that order). The women in the video not only knew their attacker, but they trusted them.

We as college-aged women need to be aware of this. It’s scary how common this is. It could happen to one of us! Know what to do if this happens to you or your friends. Like I mentioned last week, Love is Respect has an online chat feature, or you can always call the National Domestic Violence Helpline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). The most important thing is if your friend has been raped to support them, and not treat them like they did something wrong. And if you have been raped or think you may have been raped, talk to someone you trust and get the help you need.

To learn more about Take Back the Night, visit the Take Back the Night website.

To learn more about the video, check out Colleen McDevitt’s blog or join the facebook group.

Statistics from Center for Problem Oriented Policing.

Patrice is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a journalism major at William Woods University, and is a member of Alpha Chi Omega. She feels strongly about domestic violence awareness and is enjoying spreading the word.

Love Doesn’t Hurt (Domestic Violence Awareness Week 2)

Since the month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, and it’s really important to me since it’s my sororities philanthropy, I have vowed to post about domestic violence once a week for the month of October here at College Lifestyles (TM). If you missed last weeks post, check it out here. Since that post was a lot of facts, this week I wanted to focus on teen violence. As I mentioned last week, the statistics are scary how common domestic violence is in teens.

One of my best friends in high school was in an abusive relationship, and I witnessed it, as did several of our other friends. I had no idea what to do, and imagine that most high school students today would share my confusion. That’s why it’s so important to spread the word that there is something you can do to help, and it could make all the difference. That’s why this week is focused on teen/dating violence. If back then, I would’ve known I could have helped it may have changed things for the better.

Here are a few facts just to get an idea of how serious this. Statistics from loveisnotabuse.com:

• 89% of teens between the ages of 13 and 18 say they have been in dating relationships; forty percent of teenage girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend. (Children Now/Kaiser Permanente poll, December 1995)
• Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser. (City of New York, Teen Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, March 1998)
• 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.)
• Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.)
• If trapped in an abusive relationship, 73% of teens said they would turn to a friend for help; but only 33% who have been in or known about an abusive relationship said they have told anyone about it. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.)

Scary, isn’t it? This is a serious, prevalent problem. It’s often assumed that only married couples or older couples suffer from domestic violence, but this is not the case. So what can you do?

If you think your friend is in an abusive relationship, talk to them. Be prepared for them to deny it, but make sure they know you can be trusted. Recommend they talk to someone like a counselor, teacher, or someone they trust. Give them a hotline they can call if they decide they want help. A good national helpline is loveisrespect.

Love is respect is a National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline sponsored by Liz Claiborne. One of the greatest features of loveisrespect is their live chat. They have peer counselors that will chat with you online 24 hours a day to help you with whatever you’re going through. They also have an 800 number in case the chat is unavailable for some reason.

Think you’re being abused? Chat with the counselors and they’ll help you with what your options are. Worried about your friend? Loveisrespect has tips on how to talk to them. Not sure if your relationship is good for you? Take the quiz at loveisrespect to see if your relationship is healthy. Liz Claiborne also teamed up with dosomething.org to create the program MADE, Mom’s and Dad’s for Education to Stop Teen Dating Abuse. They have a special page dedicated to Teen’s. What can you do to get involved? What do you do if you’re being abused? This page covers all that.

Loveisrespect also has a lot of awesome celebrity involvement; Martina McBride and her daughter have teamed up with loveisrespect to get the word out about teen dating abuse and educate both teens and parents on ways to stay safe. She is currently on tour with Trace Adkins,  calling it the Shine All Night Tour. Also, Lauren Conrad has teamed up with Mark to create the m.powerment by mark campaign, in hopes of educating young women and spreading awareness about the potential for abusive relationships that could change their lives. They created the Have a Heart necklace, available on meetmark.com with proceeds going to the m.powerment fund, trying to put an end to teen domestic violence.

This is such an important cause and one of the most relevant to people in our age group. Statistics show that women ages 16-24 experience the highest rates of dating violence. This includes all of us college students plus our younger sisters, cousins, friends, etc. We can make the change and put an end to this!

If you or a friend is suffering from domestic violence, call the National Teen Dating Violence Hotline at  1-866-331-9474 | 1-866-331-8453 or chat with peer counselors live at loveisrespect.org.

Patrice is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a journalism major at William Woods University and is a member of Alpha Chi Omega. She is passionate about Domestic Violence Awareness and loves doing her part to spread the word!

“Life is too short. Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can and let go of what you can’t change. Love deeply and forgive quickly. Take chances. Give everything and have no regrets. Life’s too short to be unhappy.♥”

Domestic Violence: No Joking Matter

My sorority, Alpha Chi Omega’s national philanthropy is domestic violence, so this is something that means a lot to me. Last year for our philanthropy week, one of the fraternities who participated made a banner with the Joker from The Dark Knight and put “Why so serious? Because domestic violence is no joking matter.” Clever, and kind of funny, but really true. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so what better time to get the word out!? I’m doing my part here at College Lifestyles (TM) by posting weekly for the month of October about Domestic Violence.  With domestic violence being in the headlines a lot lately, (Chris Brown/Rihanna anyone?) it’s really important that everyone gets the facts because it really is no joking matter!

Even though this is my sorority’s philanthropy, I don’t know all the facts. So for this weeks post, I turned to someone who knows a lot more, Amy Zoldak, an Alpha Chi Omega alumna who has taken it upon herself to learn the facts about domestic violence and in May, started a weekly effort to promote domestic violence awareness via social media. So read what she had to say, and I guarantee you’ll have a better understanding.

Q: What do you think is the number one thing people need to know about domestic violence?

A: That domestic violence does not discriminate. It doesn’t care what color you are, how old you are, where you live, whether you are rich or poor, gay or straight.  It was  also a huge surprise to me when I learned the prevalence of teen date violence.

Q: Can you elaborate on that? The teen date violence? Is that really common?

A: The statistics are scary. Here’s a couple examples: One recent national survey found that about 1 in 10 female high-school students and about 1 in 11 male students said they had been hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year. 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study on teen dating abuse conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2005.) Overall I think that the time a woman is at the greatest risk for domestic violence is between ages 18 and 24. For more information, I recommend these sites: http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/faq/dateviolfacts.asp and http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/statistics.htm.

Q: What should people who know someone possibly involved in domestic violence do about it?

A: Yes that is a great question and a really hard one. I have been grappling with it and trying to learn as much as possible.
Here’s what I think. First if you are a bystander and you see or hear it, you should say something. Doesn’t matter what you say, even just knocking on the door can stop someone and make them stop and reconsider. Great video on that from @bell_bajao
If it is a friend or relative, the best thing you can do for them is reassure them that you are there for them and that you love them no matter what that when they need you, you will be there I think it helps a little to develop empathy for the friend who is being abused. I read Crazy Love earlier this summer by Leslie Morgan Steiner. It is a first-person story about how she came to be in the relationship and how she got out.

Q: Interesting! Do you think sometimes the blame gets misplaced on the abused for staying with someone who abuses them?

A: Absolutely. I also think that if you are a strong confident sort of person who doesn’t take nonsense from people, it’s hard to imagine why someone would hit someone else and also why someone would stay. Crazy Love does a good job of intertwining the story with the mechanics of an abusive relationship, things that she didn’t see as warning signs at the time in retrospect were quite clearly warning signs. Violence always starts out small and escalates… the abused one feels like she can fix him or she’s the only one who loves him or that love will overcome the other obstacles. Leslie’s story is esp compelling because she was 2 years out from graduating Harvard when she met her abuser. It’s not a matter of being smart or not. Here’s a video of her reading from her book.

Q: My next question is about the whole Rihanna/Chris Brown debacle. It obviously brings up a lot of coverage for domestic violence. Do you think it has hurt or helped people’s perception of domestic violence?
A: hmm. Interesting question. I think any time domestic violence is discussed publicly it is probably a good thing. I think the music community too seemed to take the situation very seriously. I heard that Chris lost invitations to perform at awards shows.
It is always disheartening to hear things that you hear… like “she deserved it” or “why doesn’t she just leave him?” but in the big picture, for an issue that was not that long ago never discussed in public…at least there is public discussion and you do hear a lot of education and positive programming (meaning actual facts and figures and stats), particularly from Tyra Banks and Oprah, actual domestic violence awareness not gossip and speculation etc.

Q: Ok last question. There were rumors that the Rihanna/Chris Brown thing was mutual. Like she hit him so he hit her back. Do you think that makes situations any less serious if it is something like that?

A: No. In fact it’s probably more serious. I just feel like there is no room in any relationship for physical violence.
I didn’t see Chris Brown needing medical attention. Just sayin… I think that a lot of what goes on in an abusive relationship is about control. The abuser abuses so he/she can have control over the abusee, and occasionally also because he/she cannot handle their emotions/rage. So it’s possible that the abuser pushes and pushes the victim until she lashes out in some way (hitting, yelling, etc.) then that somehow justifies retaliation. (this is just speculation, I am not a therapist and I have not done research on this topic). Like it’s not my fault, she made me hit her.

For more information about Domestic Violence, Amy recommends these websites:
www.ncadv.org -the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

www.ndvh.org – National Domestic Violence Hotline

http://www.caepv.org/- the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence, and their executive directors blog is http://www.domesticviolenceworkplace.blogspot.com/.

To join in Amy’s weekly effort against domestic violence, follow her on twitter @Amy_Z.

If you or a friend are in trouble and need help, call the NDVH national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
and the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline is 866-331-9474 and you can chat online with a peer counselor at http://www.loveisrespect.org.

Domestic violence is serious, now is as good of time as any to get the word out! Join the fight against Domestic Violence today!

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