What do I do?: My friend has an eating disorder

In honor of my friends who have fought with the challenge that is life with an eating disorder, I wanted to take a break from some of the fun College Lifestyles posts to deal with something more serious: What do I do when my friend has an eating disorder?

I talked with Jennifer Nardozzi, a psychologist and national training manager with the Renfrew Center in Florida to talk about this serious issue.

First it’s important to know that eating disorders affect people of all ages, weights and sizes. They may restrict, binge and purge or combine it with an exercise obsession.

The biggest tip off on an eating disorder is a change in mood, Nardozzi said. A friend may seem isolated, want to eat by themselves or develop strange food habits like cutting their bites very small, leaving the table right after a meal to go to the bathroom or obsess over calories.

“They’re often very secretive and try to hide it,” Nardozzi said, which makes it hard to pinpoint.

If a disorder is suspected, the first thing to do is talk to the individual, she said. This is the hardest part for friends who don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, or fear being cut out of their friend’s life for suggesting an eating disorder. As hard as it is, Nardozzi said that being a real friend means making the difficult choice, for the friend will often later see how caring the act was.

“It’s not easy because you usually only have little bits and pieces, and you suspect something but you don’t know,” Nardozzi said.

She says the key is to approach the person with the intention of caring, not demeaning them or being confrontational or dramatic. Focus on the person’s well-being, and not specifically weight.

“Say, ‘I’m concerned about you,’” and focus on the idea that they seem sad or lonely, she said.

The automatic response is to be defensive, she said, and they will often deny it or try to cover up the fact that they have been found out.

It might help for friends to look into resources, like the 1-800-RENFREW help line, the National Eating Disorder Association website or on-campus resources such as a student counseling center that they can suggest to friends. Nardozzi said it might help to offer to attend a counseling session with a friend so that they don’t feel alone, but it’s also important not to appear as if you have gone behind their back.

If no progress is being made after repeated talks with the friend, Nardozzi said it might be time to get the family or school involved.

“Sometimes it does take hounding somebody. Sometimes it does take time to plant the seed,” she said.

Eating disorders are long-term diseases that take specialized treatment. They are diseases of secrecy and denial.

“People do die,” Nardozzi said. “These are life threatening illness. Generally people don’t just get well without help,” Nardozzi said.

“Often it takes someones else in their life being a mirror, saying ‘You need help.’”

Stephanie Hardiman is an intern with College Lifestyles (TM). She is a proud alumna of Washington and Lee University and Pi Beta Phi, attending graduate school at DePaul University in the fall. She knows that there is hope for those struggling.